We All Need Saving
by MMJade
Summary: Mara visits Luke after Callista leaves him. Takes place immediately after "Planet of Twilight."


**We All Need Saving**

_Rated: _PG

_Disclaimers: _Star Wars doesn't belong to me, I'm not making money. Based on characters & events created by George Lucas, Timothy Zahn, & Barbara Hambly.

_Summary:_ Inspired in part by one of my favorite fics, "Mara's Missing Moments" by Angela Jade, & in part by a song (as always seems to be the case, but I'll get to that in a minute). Throughout the ten years of Luke & Mara's tumultuous friendship before they marry, there's just not enough character development between the two of them in a majority of the EU novels. So when I heard the song "We All Need Saving" by Jon McLaughlin (which this story is obviously named for), I decided to write my own little "Missing Moment" between Luke & Mara, which takes place right after "Planet of Twilight" by Barbara Hambly.

"_The grief came back on him, like a cancer choking his lungs, his throat, his heart. There had not been a day when it hadn't come back to him like this, with knifing pain, that she was gone... The eight months since the descent of the 'Knight Hammer' in flames to Yavin IV had been a darkness in which there were times when Luke wasn't certain he'd be able to go on. He knew academically that there was still some point to life: that his students needed him; that Leia, and Han and the children needed him. But there were mornings when he could find no reason to get out of bed and nights spent counting the hours of darkness in the knowledge that nothing whatsoever awaited him with the dawn..." - Planet of Twilight_

It had been one week.

One week since Luke Skywalker had returned from Nam Chorios.

One week since his failed attempt to bring Callista home to Yavin IV with him.

One week that felt like an eternity.

One week in which he'd been unable to drag himself out of bed.

Luke shut his eyes tightly & pulled his pillow over his head, recalling to memory the last time he had seen her. _"Please understand,"_ she'd said. In the moment, with his heart pounding in his ribcage at the shock of actually seeing her again, he had found strength in the Force to let her go. But now, back at the Academy & pushed back into normal life, the pain felt as fresh as when she had first left. The knowledge that his own sister had spent so much time with the woman he loved, when he himself had been unable to, made matters even worse.

He was so absorbed in his despair that he almost missed the knock at his door, & the gentle probing of a familiar presence in the Force.

Luke frowned when he realized who it was. Hadn't she taken the hint when he had refused to answer any of her calls? Even Leia had eventually given up trying to contact him...but he should have known better than to think that Mara Jade would ever give up on ANYTHING so easily. "Stubborn," he grunted under his breath & rolled onto his side, facing away from the door & making no move to get up to answer it. Maybe if he continued to ignore her, she'd leave.

*I thought you were smarter than that Skywalker,* her amused voice floated through his mind.

*Go away, Jade,* he deflected warily.

*I don't think so,* came the sharp reply. *I'm giving you ten seconds to get your lazy ass out of bed to open this door. Ten...nine...eight...*

Luke flung his pillow off the bed in frustration, but still made no effort to get up. He didn't want company; couldn't she respect his wishes, just this once? Why did she always have to be so incorrigible?

*I'm coming in whether you open up or not, so you might as well make this easier on both of us. Five...four...three...two...*

Leave it to Mara to crash his pity party. He snorted at the thought as he rolled over onto his stomach & used the Force to open the main entry with a flick of his hand. Reaching for another pillow, he shoved it against the headboard of his bed & curled one arm around it. His eyes felt heavy with unshed tears as he watched Mara approach his room & stop in the doorway.

She took one look at him & knew in an instant that she had made the right decision in coming. It was worse than she thought.

His appearance was haggard, & it was apparent that he hadn't left his bed in quite some time. His hair was shaggy & his face unshaven; his skin was pale, & even beneath the cover of the sheets she could see that he looked much thinner than the last time she had seen him. *Stars, what has she done to you?* she wondered.

If Luke heard her question, he chose not to acknowledge it. "What are you doing here, Jade?" he asked dully. "Shouldn't you be off galavanting with Lando somewhere?"

Mara was silent for a long moment, choosing to ignore his last comment & taking a tentative step through the doorway. In all the years she had known him, she had never been in Skywalker's private quarters before, & suddenly the implications of her standing in his bedroom made her uncomfortable. She willed herself to take another step towards the bed. "I came to see you," she said quietly.

He blinked slowly at her. "To say 'I told you so'?" he drawled in monotone.

Mara's heart lurched in her chest. "Of course not," she said, surprised that he would suggest such a thing. "Is that all you think of me? That I would fly halfway across the galaxy just to revel in your pain?" She pursed her lips together. "I just wanted to make sure you're okay...I know how much she meant to you, & how badly you wanted to find her."

"Well it turns out that finding her didn't do me any good," he snarled, his brow furrowing in frustration. "She still chose the Force over me. And now I'm alone again, so of course I'm not okay."

She swallowed hard, amazed by the hopelessness she sensed in his words. Her feet felt like lead as she approached the edge of his bed. "May I...?" she asked, gesturing awkwardly for permission to have a seat next to him.

Luke sighed & nodded slightly. Clearly it wasn't going to be easy to get rid of her. But whether he wanted to admit it or not, part of him felt a small comfort in having her with him. It had been so long since he had seen her, & somewhere in the depths of his pain he felt a sort of warm glow that emanated from her admission of wanting to see him.

Mara sat down on the edge of the bed, & said nothing for awhile; she simply watched the steady rising & falling of his shoulders as he breathed in deeply, & took note of the dull gray color of his eyes, which now stared blankly at the wall opposite him. "Come on, Luke," she said softly, "You've got to move on now - this is not the you I know."

At that, Luke lifted his head to glare at her. "Move on?" he laughed bitterly. "Thanks for your wonderful counsel, Jade, I had no idea that's all I needed to do! The galaxy is right once again! Boy, how would I survive without your wonderful advice?"

Mara gritted her teeth against the anger that was instinctively rising up in the pit of her stomach. She resisted the urge to snap back at him, to put him in his place for being such a jerk when she was only trying to be there for him. But she knew he was hurting, & that his anger was misplaced. She would allow him to take it out on her...just this once. "Do you want to talk about what happened?" she asked instead, keeping her voice calm & even.

Luke exhaled in a heavy sigh & lowered his head again to resume staring at the wall. "What is there to say?" he asked. "Surely the holonews has covered the whole story already. Stang, they probably have more details than I do."

"I didn't ask what the news nets have been reporting," Mara insisted, "I asked if YOU want to talk about it. And your sister has done a pretty decent job of downplaying the whole thing, by the way."

"Dear old sis, always the diplomat," Luke muttered.

"Oh come on, that isn't fair," she reprimanded the Jedi, "You know she wants to help you."

"Well there's nothing she can do," he spat back. He felt a tightening in his chest, like the tears he had held at bay for so long might finally spill over, & he was desperate for her to leave before he couldn't hold them off & broke down. "There's nothing you can do, nothing anyone can do."

"That's not true." Mara could see that he was trying to get rid of her, & she wasn't about to let him have his way so easily. "This isn't real; it's just all you can feel right now."

"Not real?" He pushed himself up on his elbows, his voice rising angrily: "Not REAL? Oh okay, so you're saying that the fact that I'm not good enough for the woman I love, that she LEFT me because she couldn't stand to be around me after she lost the Force, that after a year of searching for her only to discover that she never wanted to be found by me, & that she's never coming back...you're telling me none of that is real?!" He could feel the tears stinging at the corners of his eyes now, threatening to push their way forward & never stop, & he needed to get her out of his apartment before that happened. He would not let her see him like this; he had lost enough as it was, he didn't need to lose the shred of respect Mara had come to have for him as well. He tried one last tactic he thought was certain to get rid of her: attack. "How dare you come here & tell me how to feel? You can't possibly know what this is like, the pain that comes with finally, FINALLY having someone you could see yourself spending your life with, only to have them disappear forever. You can't know what it feels like to realize that you're destined to be alone, because YOU'VE never cared whether you were alone or not. YOU seem to be just fine by yourself, so how could you EVER relate to those of us who want so badly to have love, but have it ripped away from them every...damn...time!"

Mara sat silently & listened to his tirade, allowing his erratic emotions to bounce off of her & pulse through her, understanding that he needed this release if he was ever going to move on. Compassion was an unfamiliar emotion to her, but seeing the normally stoic Jedi Master so hurt & vulnerable, she couldn't help but sympathize with him. "Whether or not you're right or wrong, you're going to believe what you want to," she said gently. "But I promise you, this isn't going to last forever, Luke - it's just a storm you're braving. Eventually it won't hurt this much...that's the way that feelings go." He didn't say anything, so she took it as a sign to continue: "Say what you will, but I don't believe that you're meant to be alone."

Luke gripped his pillow tighter, fearful of the glimmer of hope that tried to push its way forward at her words. A single tear slipped down his cheek, & his throat felt as if it were suddenly closing up. "Then why did she leave me?" he whispered, his voice trembling in spite of his effort to control it.

"I don't have that answer for you. I wish that I did. I don't know why it had to be this way, or what the cure is." She paused, then reached out to rest a delicate hand on his back as she continued, "But please...please believe that you're not alone. You're not the only one that's felt this pain before."

Luke's knuckles were white with tension as he gripped the pillow to himself, surprised by her touch - it had been so long since he'd had human contact, & he hadn't realized how much he had needed it.

Almost subconsciously, she began rubbing his back lightly, trying to ignore the fact that he wasn't wearing a shirt beneath the sheets & how awkward she felt in this situation. Mara Jade was not good at sentimental, but she knew that her friend needed her now. He had saved her skin so many times, even back in the days when she had wanted to kill him, & she owed him this. He deserved to hear what he meant to her, & so with new resolve, she overcame her discomfort & forged on: "You know...I don't know what I would do without you, Luke. If you hadn't overthrown the Emperor, I never would have met up with Karrde & become one of the top-ranking figures in the Smuggler's Alliance. I love my job, more than anything I ever did in my service to the Empire. I've found a freedom that I never knew was possible. In a way, YOU made me what I'm worth. And maybe your naïvety is rubbing off on me...but I just refuse to believe that someone who is so...GOOD, so caring, & so humble...could ever be destined to be alone. Callista obviously couldn't appreciate all that you are, but that doesn't mean that you will never find someone who will."

He wasn't sure if it was her uncharacteristically heartfelt words or the gentle way she rubbed circles on his back, but he couldn't fend off the tears any longer, & it was as if a dam somewhere deep inside him had finally burst under pressure. He sat up & reached out for her in a way that was almost childlike as the heart-wrenching sobs wracked his body, seeking comfort from her strength & allowing himself to finally feel for the first time since Callista had left him. He opened up completely to her through the Force, & appreciated when she didn't shy away from him.

Mara allowed him to embrace her & clenched her teeth hard against his anguish as it washed over her in the Force, enveloping her on all sides as the sound of his pent-up emotion was finally released in his tears. She wanted to close her eyes against the visions that plagued her thoughts as Luke opened up to her, visions of those last moments before Callista left him forever, feeling his pain deeply as if it were her own. She wanted to release him & run from the closeness she felt to him through their bond, to flee from the fierce desire to defend him that was rising up in her. But instead she only gripped him tighter, as if protecting him from himself, & sent him soothing, peaceful feelings through the Force.

Luke's breathing was heavy & uneven as he cried, holding onto Mara as if his life was dependent on it. He didn't know how much time passed - he felt like he wept there in her arms for hours. "Wh-why?" he finally managed to choke out between tears as a fresh rush of emotion flooded over him.

"I don't know why, Luke," she whispered apologetically, running a hand through his tousled hair, "But it's okay. You're going to be okay."

He inhaled in a sharp, unsteady breath as an unnatural peace suddenly filled him. Somehow, when she said those words, he believed her. He believed that he would be okay. Maybe not today, or tomorrow, or next week...but soon. "Th-thank you, Mara," he sniffled, pulling away from her slightly to wipe the tears from his face, "I needed this."

Mara's lips turned up in a small smile, in spite of the fact that she was once again fully aware of how uncomfortable she was with this kind of honest display of emotion. "I know, Farmboy," she replied as she pulled back to put some more distance between the two of them. "We all need saving sometimes...even you. So don't tell yourself you can't lean on someone else. You know I'm always here for you."

Luke smiled, the first genuine smile she had seen from him in quite a long time. "I know you are," he said as he reached out to grasp her hand. She tensed slightly at his touch, but didn't pull away. "You're the only one who always is."

As he gazed at her, she couldn't help but notice how blue his eyes looked after he'd been crying. She had never seen blue like that before, such clear sky-blue that it could almost be mistaken for white. She found herself a little bit lost in his eyes for a moment & had to give herself a mental slap to regain her focus. "Well, that's what friends are for, isn't it," she tried to tease & make light of the situation.

"Yeah, when one of them isn't on a mission to kill the other," he teased back.

Mara couldn't help but laugh - they HAD come a long way, from her trying to kill him, to forming an uneasy sort of alliance, to finally becoming friends. "Look at you, Skywalker, making jokes. That's the man I've come to know." They regarded each other in silence for a moment before Mara sighed & finally stood up, pulling from his grip. "I'd better get going...I ducked out of a mission for a few days to make the side-trip here, & I should be getting back before the whole thing is compromised because of me."

"Because of ME, you mean," Luke murmured, feeling guilty that she had felt the need to leave work to come & babysit him.

"No," Mara said firmly, picking up on his thought, "It was my choice to come here, & I'm glad that I did. Now try to stay out of trouble for a little while, huh?"

Luke smiled again. "I'll try. Come back soon, when you can stay longer?" It was more of a question than an offer, & his voice rose hopefully. He really did enjoy her company, & wished she would spend more time with him.

"We'll see, Farmboy," she said evenly as her normal cool demeanor returned. "You know how I feel about this place."

"May the Force be with you, Mara."

"So long, Skywalker."

Luke thought he saw a gleam in her eye as she slipped out the door, & he sighed contentedly as he finally got out of bed & made his way to the refresher. He was in desperate need of a good shower & a shave. He still felt an ache deep in his chest at the loss of Callista, but it didn't hurt as much now as it had before. The spark of hope that had been ignited inside of him would continue to grow until it blazed, & he knew that Mara was right-

It was time to move on.


End file.
